BoldVoices.in

The Pain of Parental Criticism, “They’re Just Words… But They Scar”

Editorial by Sehajta Kaur, New Delhi, Dated 30/07/2025

---

“You’re a disgrace.”
“I wish I never had a child like you.”
“Can’t you ever do anything right?”

For parents, maybe it’s just a moment of frustration. A slip of the tongue. But for the child — those words become permanent echoes, quietly tearing down his soul for years.

And what makes it worse is how often parents assume their way is the only right way. They restrict their children from exploring paths they resonate with, saying, “What you’re doing is a waste of time. Do what we tell you — it’s productive.”
Instead of guidance, they offer control. Instead of support, they offer dismissal.

And when the child resists, even slightly, they are reminded of all the “bare minimums” they’ve received:
“We gave you food.”
“We paid your fees.”
“We bought you clothes.”

As if providing necessities — the very basics of parenting — somehow invalidates the emotional abuse.

Providing food, shelter, and education isn’t a favor — it’s a duty as a parent. It’s the foundation, not the reward. Children shouldn’t be guilt-tripped for receiving what they were always entitled to.

Perhaps, we all at some point have heard it from our parents, or witnessed someone hearing them. Such harsh words are just casually thrown around in many families, especially the more traditional ones. But what parents often fail to realize is the amount of weight these words carry.

Children who grow up under constant criticism and verbal shame often grow self doubt in their mind. They start believing:

“Maybe I really am useless”… “No one will ever love me.”… “I don’t belong here.”

Unfortunately, many children carry this pain into adulthood, filling their life with heavy baggage of self-doubt, anxiety, and even depression. For some, these words push them into complete darkness — suicidal thoughts, emotional shutdowns, the urge to run away — all because they never felt the belongingness at home.

Home should be a child’s safest place — the space where they can be themselves without fear of judgment.
But if home becomes harsh, where does the child go?

Most failed parentings aren’t just about bad intentions — they often begin with people having children out of societal pressure, not love. The kids born in such families suffer constantly from such criticism because the parents were perhaps not ready enough for the responsibilities of parenting. They lacked the emotional maturity to understand what that child truly needed.
Criticism? No.
Empathy.

To the parents reading this — I ask you, when you call your kid a disgrace, are you correcting their mistake or attacking their identity?

Yes, kids make mistakes. Yes, they may act out or disappoint. But the response should never be shame — it should be guidance.

You can correct a child without breaking their spirit… You can discipline without degrading… You can express concern without causing trauma.

And please — have children only when you’re ready to raise them with patience, care, and accountability. Not for social pressure.

Would you still call yourself a parent…
…if your child has suicidal thoughts because of your words?
…if they ran away from home because of your rejection?
…if they lost their sense of worth in the very place meant to protect it?

Is your frustration really worth your child thinking they don’t deserve to live?

Is parenting just about providing food, shelter, and education? No! It’s about raising a human — someone with feelings, fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities. It’s about making them feel safe when they’re around you.
It’s about building trust — so when they’re in trouble, you are the first person they turn to.

And to every child or teen who’s been wounded by words:

You are not what they called you… You are not a disgrace… You are enough… You are worthy of love, growth, and healing.

Only because someone failed to see your worth, doesn’t mean you don’t have it. You are one of nature’s finest creations.
So embrace yourself. Love yourself — even if no one else does.

It’s time we stop normalizing emotional abuse in the name of parenting. Let’s break this cycle. Let’s raise a generation that doesn’t need to recover from their childhood — because they were raised with empathy, not ego.

After all, what we say to our children becomes the way they speak to themselves.

Let’s make that voice kind.