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Editorial by Sehajta Kaur, Editor at Boldvoices.in, Dated 24/07/2025

From the very first breath, we are always taught that we should not have a habit of saying no, as it is often considered ‘bad’. But, is it actually that bad? Are we really doing a favor to the young kids by teaching them to avoid saying no? Let’s give it a talk.

“Why don’t you just say no”- sounds simple, right? But for many of us, the thought itself comes with guilt, fear of judgment, and and a heavy feeling of being “disrespectful.” We’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no means disappointing others.

The whole thing brainwashes us so well that even when its about our boundaries, we need to think twice before denying people to cross them.

Let me share one of my own stories- I’ve always been an anti-social person. I don’t enjoy big social gatherings or crowded public events. A few years ago, I’d get extremely anxious just thinking about turning down invites.
Even when I knew I was uncomfortable around certain people, or perhaps people I couldn’t vibe with (being anyone from friends to relatives, or acquaintances), the idea of rejecting the plan triggered chaos in my head —
“What if I sound rude?”
“What if they judge me?”
“What if I hurt their feelings?”
These thoughts would spiral until I felt restless and unsure about my own decisions.

And I know I’m not alone in this.

There are people in public places, clearly uncomfortable when someone invades their space, yet all they do is silently bear it. Why? because saying “No” was something they never learnt. They ignore it saying “maybe they didn’t do it on purpose”. Even when they try to be polite, there’s always that lingering worry — “What if they didn’t like it?” — even if it means to adjust our boundaries or space for the sake of not being termed as “rude” or “arrogant”.

Think about it, there are endless scenarios…

• A friend constantly makes plans without checking with you. You never speak up, and now you feel resentful for being dragged into things you didn’t want to do.
• A family member expects you to always be available emotionally, even when you’re mentally exhausted. Saying no feels like betrayal, but saying yes feels like drowning.
• While being in a relationship, you don’t want to go further physically or emotionally, but don’t want to “ruin the moment,” so you freeze and go along with it.
• A colleague asks you to take on extra work last minute. You have a full plate, but say yes — now you’re burned out and behind on your own deadlines.

Ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?”

Not to deny, we can’t always live in our own bubble and yes, at times we need to make adjustments. But not every compromise is necessary — especially if it comes at the cost of your peace, your values, or your comfort.

A no isn’t always rude — sometimes, it’s necessary. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you an honest one. It’s an act of self-respect, not selfishness.

We’re not here to be liked by everyone. We’re here to live fully — and sometimes that means saying “no” with love, with grace, and without guilt. And trust me — it gets easier.
The right people won’t hate you for saying it.

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
— Paulo Coelho